Halo 4?

Do you want me to review this game? I don’t think you do.

I REALLY don’t think you do.

But I will anyway.

Before anyone comments to defend the graphics, yes the game is pretty. It’s a very pretty game. Ooooo leaves and water and metallic dog things.

Metallic dog things? Oh God, this is not a good sign.

I will note that I am reviewing the ACTUAL storyline of this game, not the online play. They’re completely different things so if you want a review of the online play I’ll have to make another post.

First off, 343 industries, the fact that Halo 4 was a successful game does NOT reflect on you. People did not stand in line because “OMG 343 Halo 4!” It’s not like they weren’t standing in long lines before you came along. Halo 4 was made successful by Bungie and their success is what made YOUR success. Don’t take credit for their work. Halo Reach kicked Halo 4′s butt in so many ways I’m not even going to bother counting.

Secondly, the writing. Oh God, the writing. I swear halfway through playing this game I was inputting my own soap opera like dialogue because it fit so well. There was one “dramatic” instance where Brad and I were yelling at the TV “What are you doing! STOP THAT!!” It was so obvious that the makers of this had no connection whatsoever to the characters because the personalities were just so off. Cortana was a whiny blue creature, at some point I was convinced Master Chief was going to take off his helmet and *gasp* he’d be blue TOO! Then they’d run off into a Halo sunset and a star somewhere would explode glittering their moment with stardust. Oh and there’d be a unicorn because, well, unicorn.

When Brad and I beat the game we literally spent about fifteen minutes saying “That’s not the end. It can’t be. No way.”


If you’ve beaten the game you know what I’m talking about. It’s completely unsatisfying. I immediately wanted to go back through one of the old Halos as some form of mind bleach.

On to the new additions. The enemies aren’t crazy creative, their designs are unimpressive, and their weapons are horrible. The only weapons that could be considered awesome are their version of the shotgun and their big fire explody thing. Brad has a giggle fest anytime he finds one in multiplayer. HOWEVER! The most powerful gun does nothing against the enemies. Okay I’m googling them, I completely forgot what they were referred to as . . . Prometheans.

Prometheans? Bah.

Also, their leader? Snape’s long lost brother. Totally Snape’s long lost brother.

The plot tells you nothing. When the game was finished Brad and I were completely lost on the story. We had no idea what happened, what we were doing, and why the game had ended.

Apparently you have to read the books to get it.


So basically you just told me that in addition to DLC there will be a reading list? I have HOMEWORK now when it comes to “getting” a game when I’ve played through previous ones without this “required” reading?

Way to go. Are you trying to limit your audience because I guarantee there are quite a few gamers that don’t want to have to read a book to understand what is going on in a game. You’ve just put yourself in a niche group with almost no room for growth.

Did they hire an Adobe consultant on this? That might make a bit more sense.

I would also like to say that I was tempted to not type anything and just post this picture:


Games I’m still playing: Virtues Last Reward, Borderlands 2, and I finished the new Professor Layton (not as good as the other ones)

[And from Brad]

We finished the campaign together, so I figured I should throw in my 2 cents down here.

Fairly and I have beaten every Halo campaign in co-op since ODST, so while it was a given that we were going to play through the game together, I wasn’t too confident about 343 handling the series after being disappointed in their DLC levels for Reach. Most Reach maps were terrible anyways, though, so who knows.

Anyways, yeah, everything good about Halo 4′s campaign (shooting the Covenant, Cortana + Master Chief, controls, vehicles…), all came from Bungie, and everything terrible (shooting those stupid dog things and the promethean bullet sponges, the A to B hit the switches gameplay, all the anticlimactic missions aka if you show a giant gun at the beginning, you better shoot it by the end!) were added by 343, so I don’t know how you could consider Halo 4 successful transition to a new company.

Well, multiplayer’s still fun, but the ending was SO BAD that I really haven’t felt like playing it since.

The ending of Halo 4 is totally this (not really spoilers I think?):

43 Responses to “Halo 4?”

  • Maybe they meant to confuse you about the ending. So that you could come up with your own prediction on what it meant.

  • …so I’m guessing you’re not buying halo 5? xD

    If not even the halo series is good anymore, then why even own a 360 when 90% of their games exists on the ps3 as well? I don’t get it :| The only xbox 360 games I am jealous about are the arcade games like fez and minecraft to be honest.
    Oh, and I like the better online features and menu layout, so that one more plus at least ;)

    • Eh, I might get it if it’s one of the few launch titles for the 720.

      We’ve all put up with some pretty mediocre gameplay just to see dem nextgen grafix, amirite?

      But, I had enough fun with the multiplayer to not completely regret buying Halo 4, at least.

      • If the next xbox is seriously called xbox 720….
        then I wouldn’t really be surprised! After all, that’s what people know it as, so it would be a smart move by microsoft.

        Ultra high-resolution graphics schmaphics are cool and all, but it has never been a reason to me to buy a game. Of course it shouldn’t look ugly, but I like it more when a game is provoking and artistc rather than realistic and boring. Fancy pants basically proves that right? :mrgreen:

        Well that’s cool at least, but then again, good multiplayer can make up for most not-so-goodish games ;) …unless if you’re forever alone like me D: (jk!)

    • It’s important for us to keep up with any new advances in the tech so if anything it’ll be bought for that reason.

      I’m hoping 343 can come into their own with this. It’s difficult to try and come into a well established series and make your mark. I’m looking at this as a transitional game. We’ll see what happens.

  • It seemed to me as though when Bungie made a Halo game, they looked at what was good and bad about previous Halo games and improved upon that. 343 seems to have looked not at previous Halo games, but at other popular games on the market and added “features” they thought would fit well. My first thought when I saw a robo-dog or whatever heading at me was borderlands. I do like being able to call in weapons in multiplayer, though I was concerned at first when I saw a kill streak bar building up like in cod. My favorite thing about the game is sprinting. I thought it was silly in reach that sprint was a special ability that would take the place of my jetpack or hologram. Well, that’s my 2 cents. :)

    • Brad actually said the exact same thing. The dog/Borderlands reference.

      Online multiplayer is a completely separate thing from campaign. They seem pretty separate altogether. I do appreciate that I can choose my layouts and the addition of sprint as a normal ability (who doesn’t run?) was definitely a plus as well.

      I haven’t been a fan of the maps for a while, but it might just be because there is nothing about them that seems familiar at all.

      Honestly Halo 4 just wasn’t like the previous Halo games in that everything was completely forgettable. I can recall certain parts of all of the games before this one, but Halo 4 just isn’t memorable at all. And it’s SHORT, it’s so short. We finished it and said “That’s it? That can’t be the end. That’s the end? No way!”

  • you should review this game when your not PMSing, 343 revamps a classic series by sticking true to the old storyline and you say they cant take credit? BULLSHIT bungie did a great job with the past 5 games but they did shit all for halo 4 and giving them any credit is like giving brad pit credit for obamas second term. just doesnt make sense. the ending leaves it open for two more games and the script was beautifully made that develop main characters more in one game than the previous 3 installments. If you can get a team together and even attempt at what 343 did i wish you luck in getting half the sales, reviews, and true fans that loved the game.

  • So am I the only one who plays PC games here? (Besides FPA :D)
    I like games better with the mouse.

    • Games exclusively for PC? Or games on PC in general?

    • I got a new GPU recently, so if it’s on PC, I’ll play a game from my Mac to the TV with an HDMI cable wrapped around the room, but using a wireless 360 controller (I’m really terrible at doing anything with a mouse).

      Since I have to boot in to Windows separately, though, I end up mostly just hoarding games on sale from Steam, though :(

      We’ve been co-oping through Borderlands 2 with Fairly on my laptop, lately (no split screen on PC games = teh fail).

  • I’m probably the only person that would have been okay with that unicorn part Fairly mentioned (even though it’s not real at all).

    But that’s what being part of a fandom does to you; it warps your mind and causes even the slightest possible reference to ring a little bell in your head.

    Seriously, my head always turns at the mention of the words “pony”, “pegasus” and “unicorn”, as well as several other similar words.
    Also “sausage”, obviously.
    And for some reason “werewolf” used to get my attention too because I used to think werewolves were really cool or something.

    But anyway I really like the reviews you guys make. I’d say my favorite part is the conversations you two have when playing the games, because they can be quite amusing at times. :P

  • Halo 5?

    Make some videos Brad and Fairly! It’s sooo boring down in these corridors. Just me and my endless homework. D: lawl..

  • Brad would get more subscribers .

  • You know, you guys didn’t (in the post anyway) state what design of unicorn you were thinking “there’d be”, for all we know it could be anything from the white, pink, or occasionally rainbow splotched unicorn with a sparkly gold horn that is often spoken of (whether seriously or otherwise) as “farting rainbows”, to the unicorn that appears in Chapter 17 of Summer Knight (the Fourth novel of The Dresden Files) and is described as being about eighteen hands high, maybe more, looking like a Budweiser Clydesdale with a smooth and slick-looking carapace, all chitinous scales and plates, mixing colors of dark green and midnight black instead of a coat and one spiraling horn rising three feet long and wickedly pointed with spirals that were serrated on the edges (some covered with rust-brown stains) and a pair of curling bighorn sheep like horns curving around the sides of the head from the base of the horn, seemingly eyeless with leathery chitin where they should have been, and the mane was of rotted cobwebs. (paraphrased, obviously)

    Just thought I should point that out. ☺

    And on an entirely different note: What ever happened to FancyPantsAdventures.com?

  • The story was different but spartan ops and the multiplayer are amazing. What pussed me off was how halo 3 ends with u saving cortana, only to have her die in the next game

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